It is a line from the show Sex and the City; how you are in bed is a reflection of how you are in life. Said with the nonchalance and lipstick coated disdain for, well, lets call them ‘under performers’, the leading character Samantha Jones’ comment can be brushed aside as a mere, glib punch-line. However, as the economic depression hits the financial market like a kick below the belt, maybe there’s something more to be said about the aforementioned one-liner.
As the stock market plummets, is it difficult to get a rise in interest out of the male populace in other areas too? In conversation with an investment banker who’s company has made headlines in the paper for all the wrong reasons, the bar stool conversation was pretty clear. “Nope. Not getting any,” says Adrian (surname withheld). “Not giving any. As for work, everyone’s waiting for the hatchet to fall. Its just a matter of when. You know it’s portentous when suddenly you’re asked to use up all your annual leave immediately. The end is near.”
Soon after, in conversation with Dr Francois Fong (MBBS, BMedSc and a series of alphabets empowering his name card), at the Hong Kong Sexual Health Centre in Central, at Neo-Health Care, a volley of questions regarding sex, ego, mental health, physical stamina, financial crisis all comes into play.
It sure seems that every banker, industrialist, power broker is a card-carrying member of an over priced gym, so let’s assume there’s a certain strata of society that’s as physically well as can be. But with daily reports in the news on rising unemployment, falling stocks,
domino effects of the western economic tumble (with the benign promise of quotations that state ‘worse is yet to come’, no pun intended) surely the suits are feeling the pressure.
If you’re not mentally at peace, how engaged are you in the bedroom?
How’s the
self esteem and ego being balanced when your job might be in the balance? Enlisted
with more questions than time, we did our Q&A before being... well, prematurely interrupted
by awaiting patients.
Q: According to the latest news,
unemployment is rising. Looking at the
classic role of the man as a provider as well
as nurturer, is this affecting people’s sex
lives in Asia?
A: When a high-powered professional
loses their job, their self confidence takes a
hit. For many it’s a huge shock to the system
which ends up affecting other areas of their
life – including their sex life.
Q: Isn’t it the man’s ego that takes a
battering? You’re no longer the one who
brings in the big bucks, can’t pick up the
tab at a club, can’t hit on the babes with as
much elated confidence.
A: Ego is part of it for sure. Men (and
women) in powerful positions are more
likely to fall into this spiral. If someone has
enjoyed success in a demanding job in where
they are the main decision maker, and you
take that job and control away from them,
they lose their identity. They are no longer in
the drivers seat which can lead to stress and
depression. Their own ability hasn’t changed,
their self value hasn’t really changed, but their
environment has.
Similarly, men in their 40s often question
how much further they can push their careers
and find themselves wondering if time and
opportunity has passed them by. This leads
them to the big question: what do I really want
in life? If it’s a time for a change of direction,
this can affect their sex lives.
Q: The biggest sex organ in the body is not
between one’s legs, but between one’s ears
i.e. the mind. True or false?
A: This statement is very true, the most
important sexual organ is the brain. When
men spend a lot of time working under
pressure, their sex drive will decrease. If
you are plagued with thoughts about the
office, there is no doubt your performance
in bed will be affected. Sex drive is linked
to the mind so if you’re stressed, the sex
drive is reduced. No amount of external
stimuli can change that.
Q: In these turbulent economic times, where
unemployment, salary and promotion cuts
and freezes, and a perpetual fear of company
bankruptcy, is sex is generally dwindling?
A: Many studies have assessed the
relationship between health, a person’s
financial situation, stress, relationship
issues, and self esteem’s relationship with
sexual satisfaction. There is undoubtedly a
strong correlation between mental wellness
and a person’s sex life.
According to a recent Durex sex survey,
Hong Kong, Japan and Korea have the lowest
sexual frequency in the world. Partly because
of people working and travelling a lot, so
there’s not enough time for sex and when
there is they are too tired to perform. This
leads to reduced intimacy among partners
which eventually results in a decreased desire
to have sex.
Q: So according to this survey we can
assume that the plummeting graphs of the
finance industry are keeping other things
down as well?
A: In a way yes. According to the study,
men are far happier, and subsequently have
better sex, when they are financially comfortable.
Generally speaking, balanced wellness
– both physically and mentally – is very
important for a healthy sex life.
Q: Going away on holiday or retreats and
islands and so on, is there undue pressure
to have sex.
A: Spas and resorts were created so that
people can relax and more people should
do just that. There shouldn’t be pressure to
have sex ten times a day just because you’re
on holiday. Although sex and relaxation go
hand-in-hand for some people, others would
find too much sex stressful. My advice is
to follow your bodies and natural feelings.
Simply let things be. Remember sex is fun! Not a chore
Suggestive Suggestions
- Spare time for yourself everyday, be it five or 10 minutes, just to forget about everything else. Prioritise your valuable leisure time by delegating, refusing inessential commitments and streamlining. Focus on being more productive while you’re at work and leaving the office at a reasonable time, to free up time for relaxing. Plus, no one wins if you burn out.
- Develop a healthy fitness regime. Taking up an enjoyable form of exercise will pay back in endorphins and energy, perfect for perking up your libido. Devote some time to relaxation techniques like yoga and meditation if you find they help.
- Communicate with your partner. Bringing problems out into the open often helps find a solution, and can dispel tensions surrounding any misunderstandings. Keep your sense of humour, as finding the funny side of a problem that is normally taboo, or too serious to find amusing, often helps it melt away.
- Don’t hit the bottle! Avoid excessive alcohol and drugs. Instead focus on eating – not overeating – as healthily as possible. Vegetables, legumes and proteins buoy your energy levels, leaving you feeling lighter mentally as well as physically. Feeling good about yourself, in particular your body, is a major step towards becoming interested in sex again.
- Make sure you’re getting enough sleep. Adopt a habit of mentally winding down late at night with less working into the small hours over cups of coffee. Sleep is the body’s regenerator, and without enough of it everything suffers.
- And don’t forget to be patient, with yourself, and your partner. Remember sex is fun, not a chore. And if your symptoms really are insurmountable, then it may be time to consult a doctor.
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